The Definition of Fate
by The.Sire.of.Sorrow
Summary: OOC. Before MR4. An argument leaves Fang trying to figure out where he really belongs. It's terrible, I know. Sue me. Possible Fax. Major OOC.


**The Definition of Fate**

by .Ponies

**Chapter One**

Isn't it funny that the only thing I truly fear is loneliness? If I were stuck in a never ending darkness, as Iggy is, I would not be afraid. If I knew I was going to die, and when, I would have nothing to be scared of. But if the Flock suddenly left me behind, I'm not sure what I would be able to do. I would, in a nutshell, be lost. No friends, no family... nobody.

Sometimes I wonder why they even kept me around at all. I did not do much to help them. I was silent; I kept to myself. In that way, I also offered no comfort when they were upset. Max does, Iggy does. What do I do to help, besides stay up and take most of the watch?

I know they think I am emotionless, but that isn't the case. I can just hide how I feel much better than any of them. Then again, I was trained that way. I didn't know them before I was seven years old. Nudge had been four, Gazzy one. Angel hadn't even been conceived yet. Max and Iggy thought of me as something of an intruder in the beginning.

This poses another question, as most statements are likely to do. Would they miss me if I was gone? Or, rather, would they even care?

The Flock and I... the original four –Max, Iggy, Nudge, Gazzy-- they have always regarded each other as siblings, as far as I know. I came into the picture and for awhile, they ignored me. I thought I had been sent there by the whitecoats as more training. So, in turn, I ignored them.

I don't think I really started to belong until I was ten years old, and we were catching our first glimpse of the house that would serve as our home for the next four years. We all got along well, but I think that was mostly Jeb's doing.

Even now, the thought of the man who tricked and betrayed us causes my stomach to feel acidic. It isn't anger that I feel –I had known him for so long, he had been like a father to me. It was something akin to distrust, but I felt more and more disgusted with him as the days passed. We had been young, and he had had our trust. We mourned his loss, only to find he hadn't ever been dead. He had simply betrayed us.

I know, now, that it had been a trick from the beginning. All of that advice, all of the lessons... they had been nothing more than training.

I have never been quick to trust anyone –I still don't trust the Flock completely-- and when he pretty much turned us over to the other whitecoats, I felt that trust was meaningless. And then there was Max...

I wasn't sure what to think of her. It was true that she was beautiful, and amazing. I would even go so far as to say I care about her. But for two or three years she had hated me, outright. Iggy and Nudge had only been following her example, because when they ignored me it felt fake.

I have kissed Max on two occasions, but I think it was my own insecurities that led me to that point. For awhile now, since we've started on this entire mission, I've began to notice people more. And by 'people' I meant men.

I had never really payed much attention to the whitecoats at the School, and I was young then, so 'realizing my sexual identity' wasn't one of the things that I really thought about. And the more time I spent around other people, the more I began to notice that men were much more attractive than women. I had actually panicked quite a bit when I realized this, because I thought it was unnatural. So I had tested myself stupidly, to see if it was just a fluke.

I went online, and pretty much searched for 'hot, naked women'. I could admit to myself that, yes, they were hot, but... I didn't find them appealing sexually. This caused quite a bit more panic for me, but I brushed it off quickly.

However, when I did my second search, the panic was even greater.

That was when decided I needed to look more into things. The thought hadn't even occurred to me before then; I had always assumed I wouldn't have a problem with my own sexuality, but, there you go. I always thought I was completely heterosexual. Go figure. Sigh.

I never brought it up with the Flock, because suddenly going in and telling your family of your sexuality just seemed so awkward that I could never consider it.

And, really, I just wanted them around. I wasn't how they felt about homosexuality, and I was almost afraid to ask. Because if they left...

"Fang?"

Startled, my head jumps up to look at Angel. The others seem surprised at the seven-year-olds sudden, questioning tone, and they look between us.

"Yes?" I ask, already feeling uneasy. I hoped to every god that existed that she hadn't read my mind.

Being an active atheist didn't help my case any.

"What does 'sexuality' mean?" She asks me. True to her name, she sounds angelic as she says this.

"Why do you ask?" I mutter, tempted to blush at the question. Leave it to Angel to read my thoughts when I wanted her to the _least_.

"Because then what you just thought will make sense."

Now my face did burn as the Flock turns to look at me. Gazzy, Nudge and Angel hold expressions of curiosity, Max with surprise, and Iggy with amusement. This last one hurts more than it should, but I don't mention it.

Max recovers first, because she attempts to pass over the subject. "Angel, sweetie, do you remember when Jeb talked to us about where babies come from? It's a lot like that."

Angel stares at the older girl. "Max, you can't lie to me. And I asked Fang, anyway."

The little girl wasn't that rude with Max normally, so I had a feeling that she knew more than she was letting on. She almost seemed angry with our leader, which wasn't the most common thing.

"I don't think you're old enough to know about this kind of stuff, sweetie."

Somehow, that angered me. "You're so close-minded, Max. You've been like that ever since you saw that pop-up of those two women kissing when you were eleven. Jeb talked to you after that, I remember, and told you it was only right to have sex or be with someone of the opposite sex. And that you would go to non-existent Hell when you died." I hiss, unable to keep the venom from my words. "Well, fuck that!"

Max glares at me. "Don't use that kind of language in front of the kids! And I am not close-minded!"

"They aren't kids, Max! Do you think anyone goes through what they have and still be a child?" I snap, and I have the urge to go flying. To calm myself down, so I am once again the silent, emotionless Fang I always am.

"Shut up!" she shouts. "Don't talk like that!"

I can feel my wings straining to be released, to be open to fly in the open air. But now I am completely livid, and so I tell them to wait.

"Dammit, Maximum!" I growl, jumping to my feet. "When are you going to realize that they aren't as innocent as you think?! Angel is only seven, but she can read minds, so she's been more exposed to the world than any of us! Gazzy certainly isn't stupid, and I know him and his sister discuss things quite a lot! Nudge can feel vibes, and she's very near our age! Sometimes I think she's older than me are! I know you want them safe, but hiding things from them is worse!"

They all stare at me in shock, whether at my use of Max's full first name, my rant, or both, it's hard to say. I realize that this is the most I've ever said at one time using so much emotion in my life.

"And I don't care," I continue, "If what I think pisses you off. You have to realize that, eventually, they're going to find out about what you're hiding, too, Maximum." I lock eyes with her. We both know I'm referring to the promise I made, that I would kill her if she turned into the Eraser Max she saw in the mirror.

"That's different,"she responds, her anger deflating the smallest bit.

"I don't think it would be bad to talk to them about sexuality. It's better they know now than later from some Internet site or something."

Faster than I thought possible, Max crosses the cave and strikes me across the face. The sound of the slap echoes for a moment. She had put so much force behind it, however, and I stumble back several feet.

"If you haven't noticed," she growls, voice like poison, "Your opinion matters very little when it comes to the wellbeing of the Flock. So kindly shut up and leave us alone! The five of us don't need your problems on top of our problems as a flock."

Max seems to realize exactly what she has said not a second after I have, but the words have already done enough damage. Angel and Gazzy look confused, but Nudge and Iggy remember fully well that the last two sentences the their leader has said are very similar to what she had told me seven, almost eight, years earlier.

"_Don't talk to us! The four of us, we don't want your problems on top of our _own. _Whatever the reason you're here, we could care less!"_

"Forget it."

I had never really thought that she didn't consider me a member of the Flock. I thought the two of us had gotten over our differences years ago. So why did she suddenly go and remind me that I've never belonged with her and the others?

"Wait, Fang--!" Max reaches out to grab my arm. "I didn't mean that!"

My face still burns from her slap, and I am having a great deal of trouble holding in my emotions.

"You know what they say about things said in anger," I reply quietly, pulling my arm out of her grasp. "It's not like I deserve to be part of the Flock anyway, right, Maximum?"

She looks hurt when I use her full first name again. Her angry flares back, however, when she snaps,"Stop being such a jerk! I'm trying to apologize and you say something like that!"

If she would stop talking I could calm down. If it was quiet, m emotions could be sealed away again. I didn't want to feel burning at the back of my eyes and throat. I hadn't cried since I was six years old, and the thought of doing so now, in front of the others, was mortifying.

"It doesn't matter, " I mutter back, pulling my arm tightly against my stomach. "Jeb isn't here to watch your every move anymore. You aren't obligated to be nice to me like you were back then."

Gazzy and Angel have looks of surprise on their faces, as if they had never considered us as enemies or anything other than friends. I feel bad for having them find out this way, but I have already said the words and there is no taking them back now.

Mentioning Jeb makes me feel sick again, and my arm tightens around my gut in reflex. That along with the urge to cry. I felt considerably miserable at that moment.

"I wasn't forced to be nice to you! I'm just a better actress than you think!"

Max likes to tell me she was just pretending a lot, didn't she? I always knew there was something up with the way she talked to me, but I had never thought she was acting. I felt so stupid tonight as I realized I missed all of the signs. By the expressions on everyone else's faces, they hadn't either.

"Of course. You're going to star in your own movie some day. I forgot. Just drop the subject, Maximum. You're not helping at all."

She scowls at me, and says, "It's your fault you're so foolish. I don't like you. I thought that was obvious when you invaded on me and my Flock. Not only do we not know about where you were in the lab previously, you never told us what kind of experimenting they did on you. We've all shared stories, but you've never opened up to us."

I stare at her, shocked that she would even want to know about what horrid experiments others had been a part of. Why would she want to...

"Do you really think you want to know?" I ask quietly.

She nods, and suddenly I am uneasy. I haven't ever spoken to anyone about the experimenting they had subjected me to. And here was a girl who claimed to hate me, wanting me to open up to her and tell her about the horrors _I _faced at the School?

Was she stupid?

"You know, I think _you_ are the foolish one, Maximum. Why would anyone want to share stories about what they've experienced at the School?"

She stares at me, angry once more.

"And for your information," I say coldly, "It isn't any of your business."

"You know what kind of experiments I was used in! Why won't you share yours?!"

"Considering you just admitted to hating me," I say, "That makes it even less of your business. Besides, who wants to relive memories when there's still today to face?"

I pull my windbreaker off, and I walk quickly to the opening of the cave.

"I'll be back later."

With those parting words, I spread my dark wings and jump into the night.

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**--The Definition of Fate-End Chapter One--**

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**Disclaimer: **I don't own Maximum Ride. It belongs to James Patterson.

**AN: **I know it's terrible. Sue me :P


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